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Have You Heard "I Look Amazing" From a Woman?
NEWSLETTER
3/12/20263 min read
Months ago when I first sat down with Madison (she’s getting a custom corset and pants made) to collect her thoughts on how she wanted to look and feel at her sister's wedding I could see this dance of being pulled two different ways; it wove itself through our whole conversation.
She wanted to feel and look amazing, but it felt attention seeking to want to look amazing.
She didn’t actually say these words, but she walked the line between these two feelings with her description of the outfit. She likes her body and she wants to show it off, but she also felt weird about possibly showing too much, especially around old family friends.
After the consult I brought up this push and pull. I asked her if she felt conflicted between wanting to feel beautiful, but also feeling like that was somehow high maintenance or selfish to wish for that.
She nodded along and we ended up having one of those conversations that you just feel like you NEED sometimes.
We were riled up. Even though it started as a conversation about clothing, we both knew it was a lot bigger than that. We talked about the impossible expectations that are placed on women. We shared, frustrated at all the ridiculous contradictions.
Be beautiful, but don’t be obsessed with your looks.
Be thin, but not so thin you look unhealthy.
Be well dressed, but don’t look like you put too much effort in.
Be sexy, but don’t look like you're asking for it.
Be put together, but use your money more thoughtfully than on expensive clothing.
None of these thoughts center anywhere on the actual women in question. On what she wants. On how she feels. How she wants to show up in the world.
These are the messages Madison was up against. But It’s not just Madison, it’s almost every woman I talk to. Not a single woman in a consult has ever told me that they want to look amazing.
I’ve heard “I want to feel amazing”, but not once “I want to look amazing”.
I hear these same whispers in my head all the time. This past weekend at a friend’s wedding, wearing my corset and made-by-me pants I thought “I feel like I look really good” which was quickly followed by an undercurrent feeling of “Shhhh, you can’t say that out loud”.
The voice of society telling us it is conceited to think of yourself is so loud, it is talking over our own thoughts. And it threatens to shame us any time we dare to think differently.
But I want my brand to offer a guiding light for women when those thoughts threaten you into making yourself feel smaller. I’m committed to reinforcing what I know is true: It’s not selfish to think of yourself, to want to feel amazing, to want to LOOK amazing.
Knowing you look amazing isn’t going to cause you shunt your responsibilities, or suddenly suck away your ability for compassion. Spending money on yourself won’t cause you to suddenly believe you’re more important than anyone else in the room.
Women have always shown a fierce capacity to do it all. I’m sure we can feel good about ourselves without forgetting about all the other ways we want to show up in this world.
Being realistic, I think saying out loud “I look amazing” is a long way off for most women. But I want to offer a stepping stone. This is the place I’m currently residing in this journey. I challenge you to start saying it quietly in your own head. Say to yourself, just in your own head “I look amazing” or whatever version is right for you in that moment. My bet is that pretty quickly it starts feeling really good to hear yourself think it.
This past weekend, when I said it to myself, I did hear the “shhh, don’t say that out loud” to myself, just like I told you. But after that, I heard myself think “okay, I won’t say it out loud, but I do look good. I really do."
