How We’ve Lost Joy in Our Clothing and Where to Find it Again

Imagine a child walking through the grocery store wearing a tutu, unaware that they are attracting attention. Now imagine a child rifling through their drawers and proudly putting together a shirt and pants that clearly clash, then strutting about with pride. These scenes are pretty easy to imagine. You’ve probably seen them happen at some point in your life. When we’re very young, we easily pick out what we like and wear what feels good. But by the time we reach adulthood, we’ve either lost this ability completely, or at the very least have mixed experiences with it.

Around the teen years, we start to learn what it means to be cool, that we need to blend in to belong. Especially for women, we start to learn that our bodies should be a certain shape if we want to be considered desirable. We find out that our clothing should follow the trends if we want to be accepted. Clothing becomes something we need to do correctly. It’s packed with pressure and potential rejection. In the midst of that upsetting cocktail of feelings, it’s hard to find joy in fashion.

Fashion is so much more than clothing to cover our bodies. In the worst of times, it can make us feel isolated, unworthy, or like an imposter. But in the best times, fashion can make us feel powerful. It can soundlessly communicate the uniqueness of our inner selves to the world. It can be the whisper to our own selves that we have worth. It can be a cheerleader of sorts to make us feel stronger when we’re struggling.

Joy is the first sprinkling of bread crumbs that leads us to these bigger feelings in fashion. If someone told you to go find an outfit that “made you feel like you” you might not know where to start. But joy lives close to the surface and is easier to identify. It’s something a young child understands intuitively.

When asking if a piece of clothing makes us happy, we have to dismantle the thoughts telling us there is a “right” answer. Remember the child dressing up? They never worry if they’ve put together something ridiculous. To dismantle the negative inner dialogue I like to view garments in smaller pieces. I start with the fabric because it detaches me from thinking of the piece as a garment. I ask, do the colors make me happy? Does the print grab my attention? Once you answer these questions you can start asking yourself more complicated questions, such as how you feel about the shape of the garment. You can practice this with items in your closet, people watching on a walk, or shopping at the store. Think of it as an atrophied muscle that needs to be strengthened.

For me, custom clothing has a special place in the puzzle of finding joy in our clothing. For many it seems like an overwhelming path because it completely opens the doors of possibility, allowing a garment to be whatever you want it to be. And if you already don’t know what you want, how overwhelming! But if you have a guide (like a designer), it actually slowly steps you through all the questions you should be asking yourself about clothing anyway. It’s a methodical breakdown of how to find pieces you relate to. Then, at the end of the journey, it gives the ultimate reward and encouragement to keep pursuing your style. When the result of your hard work is a garment that feels like your personality radiating on the outside, it makes the work worth it.

Ultimately custom clothing is just one way to find your style. However you seek to build your personal style, I recommend making sure you have the feeling of joy sprinkled in.