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Who Can Pull That Off?
NEWSLETTER
5/7/20263 min read
There’s a phrase I hear at every single market. Multiple people say it at each event. To be honest, I often feel a bit dumbfounded when people say it. I don’t really know what to say.
It’s a phrase that is so short, but feels layers deep. Some layers I think I understand, but others confound me.
The phrase is something like “Uhh, man, I wish I could pull that off” followed by a self deprecating chuckle. Another common iteration is “Who do we know that could pull that off?”
Many women said a version of this phrase while standing at my booth this weekend. They were looking at my corset and skirt that I had displayed on my sewing dummy.
To me, the meaning under this phrase is “I am not worthy of that outfit. An outfit like that is for someone that is ______.” Fill in the blank with younger, thinner, better with style, etc.
This feels soaked in societal expectations. What styles are we allowed to wear based on what groups we fit into?
This is a mindset I’ve personally thought a lot about recently. In the past year and a half I became a mom. I found myself asking myself “should there be outfits that I shouldn’t wear anymore because I’m a mom now?”
I always thought women should be empowered to wear what they want, but this new role in my life had me questioning a core belief.
In my rational brain I worked through it quickly – no, I’m going to continue to wear what feels like me. That’s what I’m going to teach my kid.
But in my irrational brain there is still the chatter of expectations. I still feel the pressure to forgo certain looks and often have to make a conscious choice to ignore the controlling voice of society.
I remember a couple months ago my husband and I went out for a date night and I wore a shirt that showed a lot of cleavage. I knew my kid would be the number one dissenter of this look.
But I wore it anyway. Not to torture him (I promise). Because it communicated “I dress for me. No one decides what I put on my body except for me – not even you, my kid. There’s nothing shameful about showing skin, I’m the same person. I’m the same mom.”
When I’m sitting in my vendor booth listening to women question their ability to “pull off” a look, I wonder about how they’re experiencing the chatter. I wonder if the women even recognize that societal expectations might be in the driver’s seat
I want to say to them “what makes you think YOU can’t pull off this outfit?”. But that conversation feels so abrasive and intimate for a stranger who’s passing through my booth in the timespan of 2 minutes. I want to help women, not abrasively assault them with my opinions. So I don’t say anything to them about it.
But I have places where I can say it. Where it won’t feel abrasive or judgmental, but caring and supportive (that’s my hope). I can say it to you.
You can “pull off” anything you want to wear. There is no age, weight, orientation or other qualification that keeps you from wearing a piece of clothing. If something isn’t your style or doesn’t make you feel good about your body, then you get to decide to not wear it. But society doesn’t get a vote.
My friend Madison (whose corset I just finished - see below!) said she loved her corset so much that she was going to be wearing it when she was 80. I hope she wasn’t joking. I’d love to see her in it when she’s 80; I bet she’s smoking hot in it.
Please take a page out of the Madison book. No style is off limits to you.
